Coliseum Accountant – Dale Merriweather

Dale Merriwether, Coliseum Accountant

Greetings! I’m Dale Merriweather. I serve as the Dungeonsports Coliseum accountant. Thanks to the goddess, Verasundia, I can assure the Coliseums finances are great. Gold is paid out to our contestants and patrons at lightning speed. I never use my sleep breath to deny payment. Never have and never will. That’s a Dale Merriweather guarantee. Unless we meet in the arena, in which case I might just use my sleep breath on you to keep you from winning.

I usually don’t though, because I prefer setting people on fire. I guess I could put contestants to sleep and then set them on fire. The problem there is it it can take so long to catch my breath after such an attack that I might just not have the chance to complete the combo. So, I’ll just continue to keep it simple.

The Ronald Situation from the Perspective of the Coliseum Accountant

The real reason I asked Voivode to let me post on the old message board is the whole “Ronald Situation”. For those of you unfamiliar, recently I appeared in the arena with my partner, Ronald (life partner, not business partner. Ronald was terrible with numbers). Ronald was killed in the arena. Nobody cares about that, but they do seem to care about the fact that I broke up with him in the seconds before the killing blow landed. I’ve been getting a lot of grief about this, which seems unfair as I’m already grieving Ronald.

It was an act of kindness, folks. Voivode revivifies me every time I fall in the arena because I’m the best godsdamned Coliseum Accountant he’s ever had. I knew he wouldn’t do the same for Ronald. Since we’re not going to be on the same plane of existence anymore, I wanted him to have his options open. Now he can find a new love in the afterlife. Those tears in his eyes before his head exploded were tears of sadness for sure, but not of betrayal.

Now if you all would let me get back to keeping these books. It’s hard to focus on keeping the Coliseum’s accounts straight with all the booing and hissing.

Maybe if come and check out the Dungeonsports Coliseum. You never know when I may make another appearance!

The Dungeonsports Coliseum Complex

The Dungeonsports Coliseum Complex

The Dungeonsports Coliseum complex rides atop the back of an Astral Shieldbeast. Such a rare and splendid being, the Shieldbeast! We only hollowed out part of it to build the Coliseum. Hence, the rest of it is mostly still alive.

This arena, the premier venue for arena combat on this plane or any other, uses it’s position in the Astral Plane, adjacent to all other planes of existence to ensure a steady supply of bizarre monsters and brazen contestants.

The Coliseum Complex also features a broad variety of attractions and amenities, including a lightning rail, a gentlebeings club, ample supplies of fresh water, and rapid transit to most other planes of existence. Whether you want to mix it up with some of the nastiest beings known to anywhere, or just lounge in the Coliseum bath house, the Dungeonsports Coliseum Complex has what you’re looking for.

You’re Invited!

Voivode Kohoutek the master of the coliseum, cordially invites you to come and enjoy a cruise through the stars and sample the ample concessions and comfortable accommodations that the Complex has on offer. Very few centaur contestants have ever been given a stable next to mundane horses as quarters. Why would you expected to be treated any worse?

The answer is, you wouldn’t, because Voivode has standards to maintain or the goddess Verasundia will strip him of every last blessing she ever bestowed upon him. Assuredly, he would never allow that. But all of that is beside the point really. Come on out. Stay in a room with a panoramic view of the Astral Plane. Don’t stare too long, or it will suck the soul right out of your eyes!

No I mean really, it’s good! If you become a contestant, you’ll enjoy all the amenities of the Coliseum. This includes access to magical artifacts from across the planes. Why, just a few days back, the Arena Gnomes sold one of our contestants a Sword of Answering. And at a very reasonable price I might add! Only nine of them in all the planes, and we had one just tucked up on a shelf!

How do you get to the Dungeonsports Coliseum Complex?

Firstly, come and join the spectators in the stands on twitch. From there, you can learn how to make your way from the stands to the sands of the Coliseum!

Undoubtedly, you wonder, “What are the stakes?” Well. we absolutely guarantee gold and fame (fantasy that is, not IRL). In return, all you need to know is that a failed (i.e. dead) contestant’s soul will forever belong to the Coliseum.

Sad Little Girl Kohoutek

Sad Little Girl Kohoutek
Vexia Kohoutek art Courtesy of RuckeySquad

When the coliseum was created, Sad Little Girl was part of the audience provided by Verasundia, the celestial patron who enabled Voivode Kohoutek to construct the Coliseum. Caught in the thrall of the Goddess, and presssed into service as spectators in the coliseum, these beings suffer a harsh life living on the meager concessions available in the Coliseum. Most of the creatures earned the retribution of the goddess. In Sad Little Girls Case, through no fault of her own.

Sad Little Girl distinguished herself as a fan among fans as the primary supporter and heckler of an Elvish contestant name Kotetsu. He was prone to dramatic failures in combat. Oddly enough, the strange mixture of abuse and support from Sad Little Girl often rallied him to victory. They developed a close relationship, but sadly she watched him die in the arena, the victim of a Pit Fiend.

Voivode’s First Adoptive Daughter

Voivode admired the young girls zeal for the contestants of the Coliseum. He moved her from living in the stands with the rest of the riff raff that Verasundia had provided. Voivode gave her a home, a role in the Coliseum, and a surname. Sadly, due to the tendency of PCs not to as for the names of NPCs, Sad Little Girl’s given name remains unknown to this day.

Sad Little Girl Kohoutek as an Arena Master

As an Arena Master, Sad Little Girl Kohoutek spurs the monsters on to greater feats of villainy. Under normal Coliseum rules, downed contestants are no longer targets. But Sad Little Girl is desperate to add the souls of fallen adventurers to her adoptive father’s collection. While she is in charge, monsters are free to finish off fallen champions.

Join us in the Dungeonsports Coliseum, and see the havoc that Sad Little Girl can wreak!

Who is Voivode Kohoutek?

Yeah, that’s me…Voivode Kohoutek. I’m the master of the Dungeonsports Coliseum. My goddess Verasundia, granted me the power to run this place. She feeds on shame, and this is her temple. I attract the finest heroes from across reality here with prizes and glory, so they can be shamed, humiliated and killed. Verasundia gets the shame and I get the souls to keep the Astral Shieldbeast and the Coliseum complex operation. Yeah, they eat souls.

So you’re like, “Hey Voivode, why would you write all this down? Isn’t it going to scare contestants away?” And i’m like, nah it’s cool. Most of them can’t read. I’m looking at you barbarians. The one’s who can will just view this as a challenge to their prowess, because they’re sure there smarter and more powerful than me. That was for all my wizards out there. Come at me. You can take me. You’re so powerful! See, it’s just like the Waterdhavian Prince scam. I want to screen out the ones who are smart enough not to come. I don’t need smart souls. They keep the Shieldbeast alive regardless of how foolish they are.

Anyways, the coliseum is just chock full of riches and glory, but you’re gonna need to find a way in. Come out and join us in the stands on Twitch. Cheer for the deaths of the illiterate and the overconfident. In no time you’ll have enough channel points to get into the Coliseum!

Yours in Fantasy Blood-sports,
Voivode Kohoutek

What is Dungeonsports Coliseum?

Dungeonsports Coliseum is a regularly scheduled Dungeons and Dragons 5e game and show on Twitch and other streaming platforms. I started the game and stream with the intention of creating a game that people could drop in and out of as there schedules permitted. As a result, I roll combat encounters randomly based on the number of players. This allows us to play a game if one person shows up, or if 8 do, without me as the DM having to scrap a bunch of planning. Because of this, we can keep the action going with as little downtime as possible.

The focus of these games is on combat. That said, a fair amount of really great roleplaying still happens as players describe there actions and interactions in the arena. Over the past few seasons, the Coliseum has been home to so many beloved champions. Some fought valiantly and won, while others died a glorious death for your entertainment. Either way, the players have a good time.

For the Fans!

For our viewers, I strive to provide an interactive experience unmatched by other D&D streams. From the stands you can call down fireballs and other hazards. You can throw a rock at your least favorite combatant, or your friend, if that’s how you do you friends. You can even find a way to join or Discord server and do some time in the Coliseum yourself. And that’s just that start!

Voivode Kohoutek, the master of the Dungeonsports Coliseum, needs combatants to fight and die in the arena. I have different goals as the DM. I want to foster a friendly environment. A place where my players can come and take a break from reality and bust a few monster heads. Everyone is welcome as long as they can play nicely with others. Give us a follow on twitch, and learn how you could play in the Coliseum too!

Here is a link to the rules and code of conduct. If you want to know more about the Coliseum and my other projects, check out my blog.