Greetings! I’m Dale Merriweather. I serve as the Dungeonsports Coliseum accountant. Thanks to the goddess, Verasundia, I can assure the Coliseums finances are great. Gold is paid out to our contestants and patrons at lightning speed. I never use my sleep breath to deny payment. Never have and never will. That’s a Dale Merriweather guarantee. Unless we meet in the arena, in which case I might just use my sleep breath on you to keep you from winning.
I usually don’t though, because I prefer setting people on fire. I guess I could put contestants to sleep and then set them on fire. The problem there is it it can take so long to catch my breath after such an attack that I might just not have the chance to complete the combo. So, I’ll just continue to keep it simple.
The Ronald Situation from the Perspective of the Coliseum Accountant
The real reason I asked Voivode to let me post on the old message board is the whole “Ronald Situation”. For those of you unfamiliar, recently I appeared in the arena with my partner, Ronald (life partner, not business partner. Ronald was terrible with numbers). Ronald was killed in the arena. Nobody cares about that, but they do seem to care about the fact that I broke up with him in the seconds before the killing blow landed. I’ve been getting a lot of grief about this, which seems unfair as I’m already grieving Ronald.
It was an act of kindness, folks. Voivode revivifies me every time I fall in the arena because I’m the best godsdamned Coliseum Accountant he’s ever had. I knew he wouldn’t do the same for Ronald. Since we’re not going to be on the same plane of existence anymore, I wanted him to have his options open. Now he can find a new love in the afterlife. Those tears in his eyes before his head exploded were tears of sadness for sure, but not of betrayal.
Now if you all would let me get back to keeping these books. It’s hard to focus on keeping the Coliseum’s accounts straight with all the booing and hissing.
Maybe if come and check out the Dungeonsports Coliseum. You never know when I may make another appearance!